In 1941, Citizen Kane changed the face of cinema forever. It redefined the language of film making with innovations in cinematography, special effects, make up, and use of sound and music. It is almost universally hailed as the greatest movie ever made, or at least the most important. So, it is to Orson Welles that we must tip our hats in appreciation for paving filmcraft's way to 2008, which brought us Made of Honor.
Made of Honor is the story of wealthy man-child Tom and his best friend, Hannah. Ten years prior, the two met at a Halloween party when Tom, dressed as Bill Clinton, accidentally tried to bed Hannah instead of the woman dressed as Monica Lewinski at the party. Hannah rebuffs the hunky Tom, which causes him to feel something for her that he has never felt for any woman: respect. After this, Tom invents the cardboard sleeve for coffee cups, and becomes fabulously wealthy. He lives the life of a playboy, bedding a new woman every night (he has rules to ensure he never becomes attached) and regaling Hannah with tales of conquest. He remarks to his generic man-tourage that he has the perfect life: wealth, anonymous sex, and the attention of Hannah. Of course, when she goes away to Scotland for a month and a half, Tom is forced to confront a sense of privation and a lack of gratification, something he is not used to. He decides to propose to Hannah when she gets back.
Hannah returns to New York with a fiance who has almost no flaws. He's richer than Tom, better at basketball, and, we are lead to believe, has a larger penis. He's also not a complete self-centered asshole. Essentially, Tom's got nothing on this guy. If you saw the preview for this, you already know what will happen. Lest you think Hollywood was going to take any risks, Tom gallantly tries to ruin the wedding, succeeding eventually with assistance from a horse. In mid-ceremony, Hannah decides that she no longer wants the rich guy with a huge penis that loves her, she wants the less rich guy with the smaller penis that needs her. The last scene of the film, Tom reprises his role as Bill Clinton with Hannah. Try not to clap too hard during the credits.
The climax of the film has almost no tension, since the audience never really connects with anybody and only Stockholm Syndrome would lead you to root for Tom to get the girl. It does, however, play a very familiar tune that we are hearing more and more of this generation: it's perfectly reasonable to abdicate any and all commitments should the mood strike you. The culture of 2010 is very cognizant of its feelings. It is continually dousing its ill feelings and continually chasing good ones. Feeling a certain way is justification for all manner of strange behavior. When the youth culture of the 60's rebelled against the WW2 generation, it strongly rejected rigid social expectations in favor of whatever felt right at the time. Don't let an old white dude tell you how to act, follow your heart man!
Some of this was warranted, to be sure. For all it's triumphs, the pre-1960's were rife with racism, sexism, and cultural expectations that were often restrictive at best, and unhealthy at worst. But, humans are classic over-correctors, and now we are dealing with the catastrophic cultural damage caused by the excesses the 1960's and 70's. In fairness to hippies, however, I do believe Made of Honor is much more a product of lazy writing and Hollywood staleness. Even so, it echoes much of the anti-commitment sentiment of those times. With humblest apologies to Henrik Ibsen, it also unfortunately echoes one of the most controversial works of literature in the 19th century, A Doll's House.
A Doll's House, written in 1879, is a play about a married couple, Nora and Torvald (For those in my generation who might not know, a play is a lot like a movie, except the graphics are very clear and life-like). Nora is a smart, driven, hard-working woman who acts flighty and scatter-brained for the benefit of her husband's ego. In the play, we discover that Torvald had an devastating illness, and Nora was forced to borrow money secretly to pay his medical bills. Her husband does not know this, and she is forced to find jobs surreptitiously to pay off the debt, lest he discover that he was bailed out by a smart woman. Naturally, he eventually does find out, hurtful things are said, he forgives her (in a douchey way), but she has become disillusioned with domestic life and leaves Torvald, slamming the door on him. Oh yeah, she also has three young children on whom the door is slammed as well. Try not to applaud too hard.
The play caused quite a stir at the time for its subversion of traditional gender roles. Many consider it to be one of the first true "feminist" plays. In many ways, A Doll's House was a very necessary work for its time. Women were often thought of as stupid and frail, more of a household appliance than a partner. Check out The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman for further evidence of this. Ibsen's play was a breath of fresh air for women everywhere, an affirmation that women were just as capable and intelligent as men, and oughtn't be coddled and condescended to. Even so, the ending gets me every time. Three kids! Torvald remarks that she has a sacred duty to her husband and children, and she retorts that she has a sacred duty to herself.
Duty is a funny word, and not just because it sounds like "doody". As a police officer, I have a fairly clear idea of what duty means to me on the job - to protect the safety and rights of the citizens and to uphold the Constitution. I also believe I have a duty to be true to myself and my needs, but when I'm at work, I'm acutely aware that I have to choose one over the other. In order to be a police officer, I don't get to be "true to myself" any damn time I want to. I don't get to "explore my feelings" and shape my policework to my emotional state. I have a job to do, a code of conduct to adhere to, and that's that.
Becoming a police officer was optional. I could have been a different childhood hero: an astronaut or a cowboy or a tyrannosaurus rex. But I chose to swear an oath, to don a shiny badge, and to place my duty to my state and country above my duty to myself. Becoming a husband or wife, or even becoming a parent is no less optional (though if you become the latter, her dad's shotgun may render the former much less voluntary). Yet, many people assume these duties with no intention of placing them above themselves. I should know, I'm divorced because I did exactly that.
Even as I went through the process though, I was acutely aware of my "dereliction of duty", and in the dead of night, I wrestled with shame and guilt over it. I certainly didn't find it a very humorous canvas on which to create a Hollywood rom-com. It's certainly didn't feel like a glorious triumph over archaic social mores. I mostly just felt like a failure and an asshole. That's why it is difficult for me to appreciate movies such as Made of Honor (that and the lazy screenplay). It celebrates Hannah's betrayal of her fiance and seeks to make the audience complicit in cheering her on. "Yay Tom! You broke up a wedding ceremony out of pure selfishness. Yay Hannah! You humiliated a good man in front of his family and broke his heart. You're both lovely people!". I know it's just a shallow comedy movie, but I simply find the premise objectionable.
It's also why, at the end of the day, I can't support Nora's decision to leave Torvald. Yes, he's a misogynistic buffoon to her at times. Yes, she's been living a lie for much of their marriage. My heart truly does go out to her. But after all is said and done, she made three lives that need a mother, and no amount of social revolution excuses her abandonment of them. In being true to herself, she's made a beast of herself. If her husband made her feel less than human because of his condescending attitude towards her, she only confirms she is less than human by violating the covenant between mother and child.
My above examples both castigate women for breach of duty, but men are no less culpable, as I explained from my own experience. The (physical or emotional) absentee father is such a common Hollywood trope, it's hard to pick a specific film out of the stockpile. It's everywhere from The Wrestler to Elf to Pulp Fiction to Liar Liar to Up. It's so ubiquitous, Hollywood almost excuses men for doing it, saying "Hey, that's guys for ya!". Well, no, it shouldn't be, we have a responsibility to do better. We don't even have the excuse of centuries of oppression.
We don't see what happens to Nora after A Doll's House. We don't know if she struggled with her choice. I have to believe she spent sleepless nights similar to my own. We do see what happens to Hannah after the climax of Made of Honor - she finally allows Tom to bed her, ostensibly allowing him to have at last had sex with every woman in New York. We're led to believe her only sleepless nights will come from Tom's insatiable libido. I doubt that though. Perhaps when the emotional high wears off, she'll become aware of just how selfish her behavior was. The lesson here is to consider carefully what duties you assume in your life. Understand that most duties you take on are expected to supersede your duty to yourself. If you aren't amenable to that, you will save yourself a lot of grief by just passing entirely.
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